y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
