It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
