Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
