i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
