She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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