I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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