Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize