the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
