Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
