My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
