I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I love you.
Bad choice
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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