You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i think i have two assholes
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
