Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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