I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have fence marks all over my body
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
