ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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