If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
