Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
