Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
