I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
