my sisters under your porch take her home
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
