I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
