he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
