When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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