i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
