yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
