Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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