didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
