Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
