definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
