i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
