i would punch a child for taco bell
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
