I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
