whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
