It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Tornado booty call.. dedication
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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