Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
sex in a hospital.. check
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
