im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
