Pregnant stripper...not hot.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
