I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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