Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
