I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
