I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
