New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
