gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Watching her eat just hurts me
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
