I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
