I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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