"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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