Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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