omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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