Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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