They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
