Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
