wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
