he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
sex in a hospital.. check
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
