I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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