i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
