I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
