I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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