Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
