Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
