it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize