good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
