we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
