my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
