I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
