it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
