I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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