So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
