Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
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