I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
