i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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