i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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