Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize