Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize