Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
